The Sirius Syndrome
by Kiariad
Summary: Remus' somewhat cynical and surprisingly angsty I did not intend that! look on Sirius' effect on the general public. Specifically himself and most females over the age of thirteen and the secret fixation of Bellatrix Black - ew . RLSB


**A/N: This is the second (and slightly late) birthday fic for marauders-and-lily-i-love, who is one of my bestest friends and also an amazing writer. I beta her fics *issmug* Oh shit, I've still got your chappy haven't I? mustgodothat!! heheh.**

**Also in the 'Those Eyes' series - get me, I have a series!!**

**Warning: boyxboy - somewhat obviously, _lots _of fangirlly-ness, with some fangirl bashing.**

**Disclaimer: Given the distinct _lack_ of slashh in the original books, I think it's fair to say that I don't own it. Damn.**

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They call it the Sirius Syndrome, which describes the affect of Sirius Black on the general public:

Description: Fixation with one Sirius Black, best friend of James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and yours truly, the feelings can range from a mild crush to adoration to hero-worship to severe obsession.

Symptoms: Blushing, light-headedness, nausea, clammy palms, shaking, swooning, drooling, inability to _quit staring_, fainting, obsession, mental instability, stalking of Black and known associates (not that I need to bother – I _am _a known associate), consideration of actions previously deemed unthinkable, inescapable need to fawn over Black (not in my case, thanks muchly), humiliation of self to the general public – whether sufferer is aware of humiliation or not, raving, squealing, OMG-ing (_do not_ get me started), WTF-ing (ditto), squee-ing, confusion, and finally knowledge of random trivia about Black that no-one ever need know.

Sufferers are commonly know as 'fangirls' or more rarely as 'fanboys.'

There are many different types of fangirl, and I should know, they will follow him everywhere, regardless of whether he's with his friends or not. And anyone who spends more than half an hour with the cause himself will most likely come in contact with all subspecies thereof.

There are the fangirls that are in denial; mostly Slytherins that won't admit that they find a blood traitor attractive. Even Bellatrix Black has been looking – and that is _so_ wrong on _so_ many levels. The thing is, they tend to forget I'm there, so I had to be careful to cover my splutters when I heard _Bellatrix_ of all people announce that it was 'such a shame, because he is so _pretty_ – not that I've been looking!' Christ was _that_ a shock, and not a pleasant one.

Then there are the rabid ones that lurk around every corner, taking photos and declaring their love. It's mostly these ones that pull the outrageous stunts that McGonagall less than appreciates. They also tend to be the guilty party in the love letters that carpet our dormitory floor and fuel Sirius' ego, Lord help us. This category – I feel I should add – also includes one fanboy: Hugo Duncan-James (has anyone else noticed that all of his names could also be Christian names?) who will willingly declare his love at any given opportunity, which Sirius – it has to be said – takes with dignity. The rabid fangirls (and boy) should be avoided at any cost if you value your life, because they tend to shriek and squeal and eulogise and wear noxious amounts of perfume (Hugo excluded, his is far more tasteful – I'll give him that). Not to mention they will go to extreme (and worrying) lengths for him.

Next are the obsessive yet slightly-more-sane ones. These tend to just drool in the background, blush scarlet whenever he looks in their general direction and twitter like the idiots most of them are not. It's almost sad how Sirius can turn even the most level headed of girls into gibbering morons. This category also contains the rest of the fanboys (there are precisely sixteen, in all houses, and their ages range between fifteen and eighteen) – oh, the things I hear. Bless them, they can't help but stammer and stutter the minute he show's his glorious face anywhere.

The final category is the one where I belong, and the one which contains the people I tend to spend my time with. We are the ones who know that we are hopeless and utter imbeciles to have fallen for someone so totally unattainable. We know we're fools, but we just can't help ourselves, not matter how much we hate it.

Like Ashley, she couldn't even talk to me, when we first met, simply because I was friends with _him_. She nearly fainted when I walked over in the first class of Ancient Runes, and was only able to give a terrified nod when I asked if I could sit down. It took two whole months for her to open up, and that was only when I caught her writing _his_ name on her notes with little hearts and doodles for company; poor thing. I didn't even roll my eyes, like I normally would – just looked so miserable. Oh, the poor kid tried to hide it, and was even able to make jokes at her own expense, but you could see the pain in the back of those sweet brown eyes.

Or Adam – probably the only fanboy other than myself (oh my God, am I a fanboy??) – who is so intimidated by _him_ that he dropped from the Quidditch squad (much to James' dismay). I met him just after he quit, actually. He was jogging away from the pitch with tears in his eyes when he literally ran into me. I made him stop and asked what was wrong, and he just... broke. The dam gave way and all his emotions poured out; he ended up sobbing on my shoulder. I never made it to the pitch that day, but lead him away to a cup of hot chocolate and chocolate biscuits (chocolate cures all!). I don't really talk t him much, just the odd half-smile in the corridor and bitch-fest in the kitchens when things get too rough.

Or even Rachel, who just appeared one evening while I was in the library (the only place you can guarantee that Sirius _will not_ go, most likely due to the large amount of _books_ present) and threw herself down, explaining that she needed to angst and I was going to listen. She's a strong girl, painfully so, not to mention proud, which is why this whole obsession really gets to her. Every rule she's ever laid down for herself just crumbles with one wink from him. I know her slightly from Herbology last year, and I see her often in the commonroom, so I stopped what I was doing, propped my head on my hand and just _listened_. Once she wore herself out, she flushed slightly and made to leave, but I stopped her and smiled, before gesturing to her homework and asking if she'd like to do it together. No matter what, I'll never forget the grateful smile she sent my way. We meet up practically every evening and do prefect rounds together (and yes, _he's_ even got to the prefects!), and we just angst about him. Okay, at first it was just her who bitched, but recently, I just couldn't help myself. I started opening up to her, and she was perfect about it. She didn't pity me or act all shocked, she just raised an eyebrow and said 'so the bastards got you too, huh? Don't worry, we'll survive together.' I'm not sure what I'd do without her.

There's even Carys, one of Lily's best friends. Who can't even tell her best friend, but has been reduced to passing notes in transfiguration to me about _him_. The irony is she's pretty enough to catch his eye, but can't bring herself to be 'loved and left' – her words, not mine. I make sure to burn the notes afterwards and to try and stop Sirius being ... himself, too much around her.

The really sad thing is that we know that wed don't have a cats hope in hell, but we can't stop ourselves. It's like he's gone and cast this spell over us and we're just... trapped. It sucks, because everyone who isn't wrapped around his finger looks down on you. I'm guilty of it myself, with the more avid fangirls and boys. Not to mention nobody will take you seriously, no matter who you are or what you've done.

I do love Sirius, both as a friend and more, but I can't help hating him a little bit for what he's done to so many people, even if it wasn't intentional. It's like he doesn't even realise, and I don't suppose he does. So we carry on – we're British, after all. All the while, he sits on the edge of your consciousness; charming and so beautiful, yet so deadly.

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**A/N: Well that ended way more angsty than I intended. I feel all sad now. I'm just glad that in my mind those two are happily going at it and I've got a nice view. I just thought that... actually I never really ****think**** ('Rika, don't you dare!) I just ****write****. But I kinda felt sorry for everyone Sirius would have under his spell, most likely including myself. I can see myself obsessing from here. Ooh, Sirius being dumped in the pond and then pulling a Mr. Darcy... mmm.. I knew a horse called Mr Darcy once, he was a right brat.**

**Review!!! Pretty please with cherries on top and sprinkles all over?**

**EDIT:: I must confess myself slightly irritated - over two hundred hits and two reviews? This does not equate people.**

**ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS A FEW LINES! PLEASE???**

**I apologise, but I have literally just gone back to school today.**


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